richard.obrien's blog

The helicopter blades go swoosh, swoosh, swoosh,
swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh.
The helicopter blades go swoosh, swoosh swoosh, all through the town.

The Speaker of the House goes ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching,
ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching.
The Speaker of the House goes ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching, all through the town.

The Treasurer out of depth goes cut, cut , cut,
cut, cut, cut, cut, cut cut.
The Treasurer out of depth goes cut, cut, cut, all through the town.

Tony Abbott may be the most out of his depth Australian Prime Minister since Harold Holt, but that hasn't stopped him claiming the equivalent of over 475 years worth of Newstart allowance payments in expenses since 2010.

Here is a list of Tony Abbott's Parliamentary Entitlements claims for the last five years. They do not include his annual salary ($507,338 per annum), housing, transport or clothing allowances.

2010 $925,806.26
2011 $1,105,304.25
2012 $1,000,072.99
2013 $1,218,635.70
2014 $1,763,880.95
Total: $6,013,700.15

The Mackay branch of Australia’s foremost neo-fascist organisation and potential future Coalition partner, Reclaim Australia, is happy to announce their guest speaker this Saturday will be none other than LNP parliamentarian, Team Australia mascot and chief spokesperson on government hypocrisy George ‘the Moose’ Christensen.

“Study after study, time and time again, shows that children benefit from having a father and mother. That is the foundation that marriage provides, and has provided for millennia…For our children's sake it needs to continue to do so.”

- Eric Abetz, Government Leader in the Senate and opponent of marriage equality

At some point in Australia’s future a prime minister will stand before parliament and deliver an apology for this shameful episode in Australia’s history. He or she (News Corp permitting) will talk of the abuse of children in detention, carried out in Australia’s name. They will express profound regret at the passing of laws that are an affront to human rights and the medical profession’s duty of care.

Here are the pros and cons of Australia becoming more like India.

Pros: Gina Rinehart has less red tape to worry about, making it easier for her to increase her $15.5 billion fortune.

Cons: The average Australian wage decreases from $87,700 to $1,950. Infant mortality increases from 0.3% to 4.1%. Child malnutrition goes from effectively 0% to 30.7%. The number of people living in poverty increases from 13.9% to 29.8%. Public debt increases from 29.8% to 66.7% of GDP and life expectancy drops by 16 years.

Conclusion of Gina’s book: The pros far outweigh the cons.

The Louise Abbott four step guide to owning your own home:
1. Get your dad to become Prime Minister.
2. Once your dad is Prime Minister ask him to use his influence to secure you a high paying job in the Department of Foreign Affairs.
3. Have your dad sack one third of the public service, resulting in house prices in Canberra remaining steady due to all the former public servents moving out.
4. Buy a house in Canberra.

Congratulations, you have now become a first time home owner without the need for government handouts or entitlements.

"If you've got a good job and it pays good money and you have security in relation to that job, then you can go to the bank and you can borrow money and that's readily affordable."
- Treasurer Joe Hockey's advice on how to buy a house

Looking for a good job that pays good money? Worried you lack the experience/qualifications necessary to get that job? Can't be arsed working very hard? Why not apply for the position of Federal Treasurer?

“The trigger was a vote in Ireland. Now I love the Irish, the parliament is full of Irishmen but, these are people who can’t grow potatoes, who have a mutant lawn weed as their national symbol and they can’t verbalise the difference between tree and the number three. And then all of a sudden, Australia has to follow suit.”

- Liberal Party Adviser Grahame Morris

News just to hand: Treasurer Smokin’ Joe Hockey has won his defamation case against Fairfax Media. Hockey has been awarded $200,000 in compensation, which should help cover a couple of weeks rent in one of his wife’s Canberra properties before he claims it back off the tax-payer.