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MP’s Terror Ordeal!

Terror struck in the nation’s capital yesterday when Liberal MP Craig Laundy narrowly survived a brush with death after received a letter laced with dangerous quantities of glitter. The letter was one of 99 sent by extremist elements of GetUp to government MPs in protest at their lack of action on same-sex marriage.


Exclusive: Push for Murdoch journalists to rescue besieged Government

With the Australian Government still realling from the recent detonation of speaker Bronwyn Bishop, and a series of strategic and tactical blunders leading to the collapse of Government campaigns on all fronts, Commander in Chief, General Abbott, has called in the special forces.

Soldiers from the Special News Ltd Services Propoganda and Public Distractions Battalion swung into action today in a desperate attempt to divert shelling towards ISIS.

Obituary: Bronwyn Bishop's political career 1987-2015.

Bronwyn Bishop's political career, which died tragically in a helicopter crash earlier this week, will be remembered as an inexhaustible source of humorous memes and a monumental waste of taxpayers' money.

The Buck Stops Here

So just to recap:

Bronwyn Bishop’s demise is the fault of the entitlements system.

The $35 billion budget deficit blowout under Hockey is the fault of the previous government.

Tony Abbott’s broken election promises are the fault of the Australian people for misinterpreting him.

Allegations of child abuse in immigration detention are the fault of a partisan Human Rights Commissioner.

The resignations of 12 State and Federal Liberal MPs following corruption investigations by ICAC were the fault of confusion over the ban on developer donations.

The National Association of Retired Sporting Dickheads Media Realease

The National Association of Retired Sporting Dickheads (NARSD) proudly stands by comments made by its members Shane Warne, Jason Ackermanis and Sam Newman in condemning the behaviour of Adam Goodes. Warne, Ackermanis and Newman are three of the NARSDs longest serving and most highly regarded dickheads.

Imaginary Spears, Imaginary Injuries

With all the recent attention on Adam Goodes and Lewis Jetta regarding the hurling of imaginary spears at opposing fans who have booed Adam Goodes, many people have overlooked the real victims of these events. I refer of course to those who have suffered imaginary injury as a result of those imaginary spears being thrown. Hurling imaginary spears at football fans is a very dangerous imaginary activity and unless the AFL acts soon in stamping out this disturbing trend then it is only a matter of time before they have an imaginary death on their hands.

All through the town

The helicopter blades go swoosh, swoosh, swoosh,
swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh.
The helicopter blades go swoosh, swoosh swoosh, all through the town.

The Speaker of the House goes ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching,
ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching.
The Speaker of the House goes ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching, all through the town.

The Treasurer out of depth goes cut, cut , cut,
cut, cut, cut, cut, cut cut.
The Treasurer out of depth goes cut, cut, cut, all through the town.

The Six Million Dollar Man

Tony Abbott may be the most out of his depth Australian Prime Minister since Harold Holt, but that hasn't stopped him claiming the equivalent of over 475 years worth of Newstart allowance payments in expenses since 2010.

Here is a list of Tony Abbott's Parliamentary Entitlements claims for the last five years. They do not include his annual salary ($507,338 per annum), housing, transport or clothing allowances.

2010 $925,806.26
2011 $1,105,304.25
2012 $1,000,072.99
2013 $1,218,635.70
2014 $1,763,880.95
Total: $6,013,700.15

Team Australia's mascot

The Mackay branch of Australia’s foremost neo-fascist organisation and potential future Coalition partner, Reclaim Australia, is happy to announce their guest speaker this Saturday will be none other than LNP parliamentarian, Team Australia mascot and chief spokesperson on government hypocrisy George ‘the Moose’ Christensen.

Out of cite, out of mind

“Study after study, time and time again, shows that children benefit from having a father and mother. That is the foundation that marriage provides, and has provided for millennia…For our children's sake it needs to continue to do so.”

- Eric Abetz, Government Leader in the Senate and opponent of marriage equality


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