richard.obrien's blog

Breaking News: Riot in Canberra Detention Centre

A spokesperson for the Department of Immigration and Border Protection has confirmed that a riot is in progress at the Canberra Detention Centre. Some 123 detainees – mainly of Liberal and National Party origin – have caused significant damage to property as well as Australia’s international reputation.

World Revision - Sponsor a Millionaire

For the cost of just 15% of your groceries, bills and sundry expenses per week you can sponsor a millionaire today and make a real difference. Your donation can help make the lives of millionaires throughout Australia better.

Millionaires like:

Gina, a 61 year old girl from Western Australia. When Gina's father died she was forced to become Chairman of Hancock Prospecting where she attempts to support herself and her lawyers on less than $33 million a day.

ARU announces team changes after World Cup

Following Team Australia's unsuccessful campaign in the Rugby World Cup the ARU has announced several changes for the forthcoming test series with a number of veterans being dropped from the team.

Tighthead prop Joe Hockey has announced his retirement following a string of poor performances during the tournament. Hockey's persistent problem with dislodging his head after the ball had left the scrum had begun to make him a liability for the team. Kevin Andrews and Eric Abetz have also been dropped due to poor form.

The 2015 Australian Annual Out of Their Depth Award

Voting has begun in the people's choice category of the 2015 Out of Their Depth Award with the judges announcing the five finalists.

Much like a cockroach

In a rare display of effort, Immigration Minister Peter ‘Spud’ Dutton has proven that the Abbott government is much like a cockroach. You can remove the head but it still keeps on living. Once again demonstrating his complete inability to grasp the concept of irony, the Spud today said the government will not be bullied into watering down its policy on asylum seekers. As the cliché goes: attack is the best form of defence, and when you have an intellect as stunted as Dutton’s, a cliché is about the most complex concept you can grasp.

Send him back to Europe

In a speech to the British Conservative Party Tony Abbott has demonstrated the qualities that lost him the prime ministership less than two years after being elected to government. Abbott has advised Europe to adopt his government’s treatment of asylum seekers and escalate military action in the Middle East.

"It is the only way to prevent a tide of humanity surging through Europe and quite possibly changing it forever."

Government Broadcasting Service Update.

The Government Broadcasting Service has undergone a restructure following last month’s hostile takeover of parent company LNP Enterprises by the Sydney based firm Big Mal’s Deckchair Relocation, Porcine Adornment and Excrement Polishing Service. New Managing Director Big Mal has conducted a full audit of the network’s programming schedule which, although it has resulted in virtually no changes to programming, has produced a big boost in viewing figures, with the network out-rating rival broadcaster, the ALPBC, for the first time in nearly two years.

Baby Prisoner

Congratulations to recently reappointed Immigration Minister Peter Dutton on the arrival baby Nourkayas, our first "illegal" born in captivity on Nauru.

Well done Peter, on both your reappointment to a job you clearly suck at and for yet again lowering the already woeful standard of Australia's treatment of asylum seekers.

Turnbull V Abbott, five points of difference

On Climate Change:

Tony Abbott once described climate change as “absolute crap”. Abolished carbon pricing and committed the government to the expensive, complex and ineffectual Direct Action plan.

Malcolm Turnbull once described climate change as “a global problem”. Has promised not to re-introduce carbon pricing and reaffirmed the government’s commitment to the expensive, complex and ineffectual Direct Action plan.

On Marriage Equality:

Tony Abbott’s concession speech 14/09/2015

Credit where it’s due, Mr Abbott's address to the nation following his party room defeat last night would have to rank as his finest speech to date. Not only did he list every achievement and success of his one year and 361 day reign, but he also demonstrated the humility, good grace and devotion to the national interest that characterised his time as Prime Minister.
As Mr Turnbull said in his victory speech:

“I want to say at the outset what a great debt the nation owes and the party owes, the government owes to Tony Abbott”

Pages

Subscribe to RSS - richard.obrien's blog