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UNLEASH TABLOIDS

Exclusive: Push for Murdoch journalists to rescue besieged Government

With the Australian Government still realling from the recent detonation of speaker Bronwyn Bishop, and a series of strategic and tactical blunders leading to the collapse of Government campaigns on all fronts, Commander in Chief, General Abbott, has called in the special forces.

Soldiers from the Special News Ltd Services Propoganda and Public Distractions Battalion swung into action today in a desperate attempt to divert shelling towards ISIS.

However, a number military experts are claiming this is a matter of too little too late. One senior military official, who wished to remain nameless for fear of funding cuts, stated:

"The Government and their allies are relying on obsolete ammunition and ideas. By extending their attacks to common sense and basic human decency, General Abbott has stretched his supply lines too thin. ISIS may not be enough to save him this time."

While some strategists are now calling for a change of command structure and the implementation of an exit strategy, General Abbott remains defiant.

According to reports General Abbott rarely leaves his bunker, has threatened to shot any Government officer who deserts their post, and has vowed to fight to the end, taking as many gays, Commies, tree-huggers and moderate Liberal MPs with him as posible.

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