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MP’s Terror Ordeal!

Terror struck in the nation’s capital yesterday when Liberal MP Craig Laundy narrowly survived a brush with death after received a letter laced with dangerous quantities of glitter. The letter was one of 99 sent by extremist elements of GetUp to government MPs in protest at their lack of action on same-sex marriage.

After discovering the suspicious package, which bore a remarkable resemblance to an Australia Post express envelope, Laundy, a man who knows how to keep his head in a crisis, immediately contacted emergency services. Thirteen emergency vehicles consisting of six police cars, 6 fire trucks and a Hazmat unit, attended the MP’s office to assist with the urgent task of locating the office dustbuster. The clean-up from this vicious attack was expected to take several minutes, with the final cost yet to be determined. Rumours that a helicopter had been chartered in case Mr Laundy and his staff needed to be evacuated remain unconfirmed.

While deeply traumatised by yesterday’s events, Mr Laundy is expected to make a full recovery. Doctors have advised him to avoid attending New Year’s Eve parties and Glam Rock concerts.

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