richard.obrien's blog

Send him back to Europe

In a speech to the British Conservative Party Tony Abbott has demonstrated the qualities that lost him the prime ministership less than two years after being elected to government. Abbott has advised Europe to adopt his government’s treatment of asylum seekers and escalate military action in the Middle East.

"It is the only way to prevent a tide of humanity surging through Europe and quite possibly changing it forever."

Government Broadcasting Service Update.

The Government Broadcasting Service has undergone a restructure following last month’s hostile takeover of parent company LNP Enterprises by the Sydney based firm Big Mal’s Deckchair Relocation, Porcine Adornment and Excrement Polishing Service. New Managing Director Big Mal has conducted a full audit of the network’s programming schedule which, although it has resulted in virtually no changes to programming, has produced a big boost in viewing figures, with the network out-rating rival broadcaster, the ALPBC, for the first time in nearly two years.

Baby Prisoner

Congratulations to recently reappointed Immigration Minister Peter Dutton on the arrival baby Nourkayas, our first "illegal" born in captivity on Nauru.

Well done Peter, on both your reappointment to a job you clearly suck at and for yet again lowering the already woeful standard of Australia's treatment of asylum seekers.

Turnbull V Abbott, five points of difference

On Climate Change:

Tony Abbott once described climate change as “absolute crap”. Abolished carbon pricing and committed the government to the expensive, complex and ineffectual Direct Action plan.

Malcolm Turnbull once described climate change as “a global problem”. Has promised not to re-introduce carbon pricing and reaffirmed the government’s commitment to the expensive, complex and ineffectual Direct Action plan.

On Marriage Equality:

Tony Abbott’s concession speech 14/09/2015

Credit where it’s due, Mr Abbott's address to the nation following his party room defeat last night would have to rank as his finest speech to date. Not only did he list every achievement and success of his one year and 361 day reign, but he also demonstrated the humility, good grace and devotion to the national interest that characterised his time as Prime Minister.
As Mr Turnbull said in his victory speech:

“I want to say at the outset what a great debt the nation owes and the party owes, the government owes to Tony Abbott”

Remaining bullish

Congratulations to the Abbott government on achieving 0.2% economic growth last quarter. Thanks to the fiscal brilliance of Joe Hockey we came in just behind economic power house Greece (0.9%).

Smokin’ Joe claims this result is in line with the government's overarching expectation. Given we’re now experiencing the worst nominal growth figures since 1961 I assume he means the government’s overarching expectation of dragging this country back to the 1950’s.

Judge Rule Himself Legit

After two weeks of considering his position at a cost of $3000 per hour to the taxpayer, Dyson Heydon has decided to remain in charge of the Royal Commission into Trade Unions, citing consistency as the main reason for his decision.

What your government thinks of you

If you’re concerned about the environment you’re a “vigilante litigant”
If you’re a member of a union you’re an “economic traitor”
If you’re a working mother claiming maternity leave you’re a “double dipper” (unless you’re married to Mathias Cormann or Josh Frydenberg)
If you’re an ABC employee you’re part of a “lefty lynch mob”
If you’re an asylum seeker you’re “Illegal”
If you’re concerned about human rights you’re “blatantly politically partisan” and if you investigate allegations of human rights abuses for the UN you’re a “disgrace”

MP’s Terror Ordeal!

Terror struck in the nation’s capital yesterday when Liberal MP Craig Laundy narrowly survived a brush with death after received a letter laced with dangerous quantities of glitter. The letter was one of 99 sent by extremist elements of GetUp to government MPs in protest at their lack of action on same-sex marriage.


Exclusive: Push for Murdoch journalists to rescue besieged Government

With the Australian Government still realling from the recent detonation of speaker Bronwyn Bishop, and a series of strategic and tactical blunders leading to the collapse of Government campaigns on all fronts, Commander in Chief, General Abbott, has called in the special forces.

Soldiers from the Special News Ltd Services Propoganda and Public Distractions Battalion swung into action today in a desperate attempt to divert shelling towards ISIS.


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