The names of political parties can sometimes be misleading - the Liberals aren't very liberal, the Nationals only represent rural constituents, the Labor party aren't American, and the Greens are the same colour as the rest of us - so here is a hastily researched list of all minor political parties registered for the 2016 election.
Okay it's a bit long but so is the bloody Senate ballot paper. Happy voting.
Sustainable Australia
These guys believe global warming is largely due to population growth. They intend to tackle this problem by restricting immigration, ensuring would-be immigrants warm parts of the globe not in Australia.
21st Century Australia
Aims to create "an abundant, prosperous 21st century economy, for all Australians to fairly share in the massive wealth our large nation can provide". Its founder Jamie MacIntyre, labled a "controversial spruiker" by the ABC, was investigated by ASIC for five years before agreeing to repay investors.
Animal Justice Party
The AJP's main beef is with live animal exports. Other policies include banning the killing of all wildlife, protecting the rights of introduced animals and abolishing the status of animals as property.
Anti-Paedophile Party
This party was set up by William Russell Massingham Pridgeon, a Grafton GP who claims his stepson's biological father is a paedophile. The party wants tougher penalties for paedophiles, a royal commission into child protection, the family court, and anyone else who doesn't believe Dr Pridgeon, and a postponement of the defamation case being brought by the biological father.
Australia First Party
Racist arseholes.
Australian Christians
An off-shoot of the Christian Democratic Party. Their policies include, and are largely limited to, opposition to LGBTI rights and same-sex marriage.
Australian Country Party
A Victorian rural anti-Greens party who describe themselves as similar to the Nationals, Family First and the Outdoor Recreation Party. Which makes you wonder why they didn't just join one of them.
Australian Cyclists Party
Pedals awareness of cycling issues, running a joint ticket with Science Party.
Australian Defence Veterans Party
A party which advocates for military veterans because the current minister for Veterans Affairs is pretty hopeless at it.
Australia Equality Party (Marriage)
The AEP promotes equality and human rights, particularly in relation to LGBTI people. Kind of like a reverse Liberal Party.
Australian Liberty Alliance
Nazis.
Australian Progressives
The Australian Progressives believe in the advancement of an empathetic society - one in which all citizens of this country can reach their full potential and find fulfilment in their lives within a thriving environment. Which all sounds nice but a bit new agey.
Australian Sex Party
Basically the political wing of the Australian adult entertainment (porn) industry. The Sex Party is opposed to mandatory internet censorship and supports the introduction of a national media classification scheme, a royal commission into the sexual abuse of children in Australian religious institutions, rights for sex workers, legalised abortion, gay rights, voluntary euthanasia, the legalisation of cannabis and the decriminalisation of all other drugs for recreational use.
They also have a broad range of progressive policies on the environment, asylum seekers, education, health etc, not dissimilar to the Greens, who generally see them as rivals. They are also strong advocates for vaccination.
Bullet Train for Australia
They want a bullet train, for Australia.
Christian Democratic Party
Fred Nile's senate ticket. The party opposes LGBTI rights, abortion, IVF, euthanasia, pornography, and anything else that confuses and angers them.
Citizens Electoral Council
Anti-Semitic, conspiracy-theorist, nut jobs.
Consumer Rights and No Tolls
Running a single candidate in the Queensland seat of Rankin, an anti-vaxxer supporting some otherwise unspecified consumer rights and opposing some unspecified tolls.
Countryminded
Stand for agriculture, rural and regional issues important to pissed off National Party voters.
Democratic Labour Party
A baffling attempt to revive the anti-communist, socially conservative, Catholic dominated party that formed from a split with the ALP in the 1950s and ceased to be relevant in the late 1970s when most of those anti-communist, socially conservative Catholics were welcomed back into the ALP's factional system.
Derryn Hinch's Justice Party
An anti-paedophile party led by Derryn Hinch. They offer an alternative to anti-paedophile parties not led by Derryn Hinch.
Drug Law Reform Party
Aims to raise awareness of ongoing harm caused by current drug laws.
Family First
They support climate change scepticism, oppose abortion, same-sex marriage, euthanasia, and surrogacy, support lower corporate taxes, claim that legislation designed to protect workers rights is bad for the economy and morally wrong and believe that "the only long term solution is for Aboriginal Australians to move into the modern world and connect with the modern economy".
Despite links to the Pentecostal Church, Family First insist they are not a party of Christian conservatives, they're just a regular bunch of dicks.
Glenn Lazarus Team
Senate ticket for former the PUP senator and best front row in Australian politics.
Health Australia Party
Anti-vaxxers.
Jacqui Lambie Network
A whole network of people who open their mouths before thinking things through.
John Madigan's Manufacturing and Farming Party
The party of former DLP senator John Madigan, who supports implementing refugee protection conventions and gambling reform. He is also a climate change skeptic and opponent of abortion, same-sex marriage and wind turbines.
Katter's Australia Party
A party that believes whatever's in the best interests of Bob Katter's electorate is in the best interests of Australia. Hoping to benefit from the demise of the Palmer United Party whose former supporters are looking to vote for another political party named after someone.
Marijuana (HEMP) Party
True to form the Marijuana Party has been unable to get enough candidates to turn up for Senate nomination and will be running a joint ticket in most states with the Australian Sex Party. That's going to be an interesting post election party.
Mature Australia Party
A party representing mature Australians. Changed their name from the Mature Age Party following an embarrassing misunderstanding at a bingo night fundraiser.
Liberal Democratic Party
A bunch of gun loving, climate change denying, laissez-faire libertarians led by David Leyonhyelm. Leyonhyelm believes in small government and cutting government spending, easy to say when you're on a quarter of a million dollar taxpayer funded annual salary plus expenses.
Motoring Enthusiasts Party
Are enthusiastic about motoring. Their main candidate Ricky Muir, entered parliament in 2013 as a complete novice with less than 0.1% of the vote. Despite this he's made a genuine effort to inform himself on senate procedures and legislation. Winner of this term's most improved senator award.
Nick Xenophon Team
Becoming a major force in South Australia, Nick Xenophon is an anti-pokies campaigner with a grudge against Scientology. Xenophon describes himself as centrist. Although he has found some common ground with the Greens, Xenophon is opposed to wind turbines (believing they pose a health risk), voted against carbon pricing and the clean energy bill and generally supports the government's off-shore detention policies.
Non-Custodial Parents Party
A party seeking changes in the areas of family law and child support, particularly relating to non-custodial parents.
Online Direct Democracy
Online Direct Democracy does not have any policies. Instead it has pledged to conduct an online poll for every bill that passes before Parliament. What could possibly go wrong?
Outdoor Recreation Party
Formerly known as Stop the Greens, still trying to stop the Greens, this time in an outdoor setting.
Palmer United Party
AKA Dio Wang. A party that has neither unity nor Clive Palmer.
Pauline Hanson's One Nation
The putrefactive stain of Pauline Hanson's politics still lingers 20 years after it was hocked up onto the Australian political landscape.
Hanson's ongoing scam of gathering enough votes in state and federal elections to obtain AEC funding has allowed her to avoid getting a real job that many wish some immigrant will come over here and take off her.
Today One Nation's policies are the same as they were in 1996, with the word "Asians" crossed out and "Muslims" written in.
Pirate Party
Basically a civil liberties party where all policy positions are determined by a two-thirds majority vote of full party members, the dissenting third presumably being forced to walk the plank.
Recreational Fishers Party
The primary aim of the party is to prevent the use of super trawlers in Australian waters. The sort of thing an environment minister would do, if we had one.
Shooters Fishers and Farmers Party
A party opposed to the National Firearms Agreement which resulted in a 59% drop in gun related homicides and a a 65% drop in gun related suicides in the first decade without any increases in other types of death.
Rise Up Australia
The closest thing Australia has to the Westro Baptist Church. The party is led by evangelical minister and creationist, Danny Nalliah. Nalliah claimed that the Black Saturday bushfires, which claimed 173 lives, we're a punishment from God for Victoria decriminalising abortion in 2008. God only knows what we did to deserve Danny Nalliah.
Renewable Energy Party
Basically the Green's without any of the social policies.
Science Party
Believes that technological development is a positive force in human affairs. Their policies include opposition to regulation of new technologies, higher density cities and thorium reactor research. Difficult to say if they're techno-hippies, a front for world domination, or both.
Secular Party
The secular party supports secular humanist ethical principles and a secular parliament. They certainly have their work cut out for them.
Seniors United Party
A bunch of pissed off Sydney-based retires who want a parliamentary inquiry into how retirement villages are run and for young people to show them more respect.
Smokers Rights Alliance
Nice try tobacco industry.
Socialist Alliance
A far-left socialist party fighting against oppression, injustice and the fucking Socialist Equality Party.
Socialist Equality Party
A far-left socialist party fighting against oppression, injustice and the fucking Socialist Alliance.
The Arts Party
A party formed to raise awareness of what a crap job this government is doing for the arts.
The Australian Mental Health Party
A party formed to raise awareness of what a crap job this government is doing for mental health.
Voluntary Euthanasia Party
A party formed to raise awareness of what a crap job this government is doing debating voluntary euthanasia.
VOTEFLUX - Upgrade Democracy!
Founded by two Bitcoin consultants, the party intends to implement delegative democracy by using Block chain technology to enable members of the public to directly vote on legislation they are interested in to guide delegates in parliament.
Because interacting with political representatives once every three years just isn't enough for some people.