Voters in the North Queensland electorate of Dawson are being asked to donate to the Eco Barge Clean Seas Turtle sanctuary to help rescue the now endangered Christensen turtle. The Christensen turtle, which some political scientists say could be extinct after July 2, is a slow moving and dim-witted reptile, struggling to survive in the modern political environment.
Despite being kept in captivity on a comfortable back bench and a $200K a year salary, the Christensen turtle has struggled to adapt. Lacking the talent, charisma or ability to keep his head down and his mouth shut that a political novice needs to survive; the tactless terapin has had to resort to more pathetic attempts at relevance.
The Christensen turtle first gained national media attention during the 2010 federal election campaign when it was revealed he had published articles in a conservative newsletter in the 1990s containing slurs against Jews, gays and women. Christensen claimed the articles were taken out of context, as no doubt was his opinion piece claiming "the truth is that women are bloody stupid", his regular islamaphobic and homophobic tweets, his attendance at Geert Wilders and Reclaim Australia rallies and his vocal opposition to the Safe Schools anti-bullying program.
Despite likening climate change to science fiction, the Christensen turtle has at least demonstrated some ability to recognise environmental threats:
"The greatest terrorism threat in North Queensland, I'm sad to say, comes from the extreme green movement"
The Christensen turtle also likes to accuse people on welfare of being lazy. The turtle believes that welfare recipients aren’t doing enough to earn one twentieth of what he gets from the taxpayer for doing nothing. Following the 2014 budget the Christensen turtle suggested critics of the budget should do a tour of Asia, where people earn ten times less. Unless of course they’re an MP like him, in which case they earn about 30 times less.
Today the survival of the Christensen turtle is under threat from an oversupply of far right-wing dickheads from North Queensland in parliament and the lack of any sane reason for him holding public office. The future looks bleak, but your contribution could make a difference. With enough support conservativationists are hoping to release the Christensen turtle back into the wild. Where it is hoped he’ll either starve or become someone else’s problem.
http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2016/06/07/christensen-getup-turtle-d...