"If you've got a good job and it pays good money and you have security in relation to that job, then you can go to the bank and you can borrow money and that's readily affordable."
- Treasurer Joe Hockey's advice on how to buy a house
Looking for a good job that pays good money? Worried you lack the experience/qualifications necessary to get that job? Can't be arsed working very hard? Why not apply for the position of Federal Treasurer?
No experience necessary. No performance measures. Generous travel allowances and retirement benefits. Economic literacy, verbal coherency and basic numerical competence are neither essential nor desired. At $400k per annum plus expenses this is a job even a complete tosser could do it.
The successful candidate must possess the following qualities:
A fierce determination to protect the profits of large corporations, mining companies and other assorted Liberal party donors and assist in minimising their tax liabilities;
Proven ability to blame all problems on Labor and/or poor people;
A demonstrated ability to maintain a straight face while talking complete horseshit to the media.
Essential criteria:
A safe Liberal seat;
Backing the right horse at the last leadership spill;
The ability to read (or sit still while being read) instructions from Rupert Murdoch and carry them out in a timely manner.
Non-Essential criteria:
A wife with a multi-million dollar property portfolio is desirable.
Applications should be addressed to Department of the Treasury, unless of course you're one of Tony Abbott's daughters, in which case just rock up on Monday.