Breaking news: NASA has called a press conference to announce the discovery of a parallel universe. “We have long speculated about the existence of parallel universes”, a NASA spokesperson said, “now for the first time we have evidence”.
A team of scientists in Australia have observed a universe which, although similar to our own in appearance, is governed by a completely different set of laws. The newly discovered universe, inhabited almost exclusively by politicians, CEOs and government appointed judges, has been dubbed the Peter Pan Universe by its discoverers, after a fictional over-indulged child who refuses to grow up.
“It appears as though laws that apply to the Peter Pan Universe are completely contradictory to our own” NASA stated.
In the Peter Pan Universe the more money you earn the less tax you have to pay. People on tax-payer funded incomes below the poverty line have to repay their debts to the Commonwealth but people on tax-payer funded incomes starting at $230,000 (the base salary of a federal MP) don’t. The team even found a judge with a remuneration package in excess of half a million dollars and no requirement to work on Sundays ruling that weekend penalty rates were excessive.
Scientists first began searching for the parallel universe back in 2011 when they discovered an anomaly in their data. While wage grown in the real world has been steadily declining, research uncovered evidence of a huge pay rise going to federal politicians, judges and senior public servants.
When combined with data showing exponential growth in the salaries of CEOs and corporate tax evasion, scientists reached the inescapable conclusion that these people clearly inhabit a completely different universe to the rest of us.
NASA was able to confirm this theory on Thursday when they took readings showing Sunday penalty rates in Australia had been reduced. This ran contrary to readings taken in January this year showing a 2-3 per cent pay rise for the people who made that decision.
“The only conclusion we can draw from this data is that there is one set of rules for our universe, and a completely different set of rules for theirs” NASA stated in a press release.
Despite being excited by the discovery, NASA is at pains to point out that travel between the Peter Pan Universe and our own is physically impossible.
Traveling to the Peter Pan Universe requires a level of wealth, privilege and entitlement that is beyond the capacity of people living in the real world. While traveling from the Peter Pan Universe to our own is equally problematic, as one scientist explained:
“The inhabitants of the Peter Pan Universe have evolved to live in a more sheltered and comfortable environment, one of excessively high wages, expense claims and off-shore tax havens. They couldn’t survive a week in the real word”.
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