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Merry Christmas Australia.

In what we can only hope is his final piss-take for the year, Tony Abbott has announced a cabinet reshuffle. The big news is that Scott "shoot first and refuse to answer questions later" Morrison has finally been given the opportunity to bully, intimidate and extort some genuine Aussies for a change. Morrison has been given the job of Social Services minister. Social Services is a tough gig in the Abbott government, requiring a level of meanness and insanity that even Kevin Andrews wasn't considered up to. Morrison brings to the job the enthusiasm, self-belief and psychotic disposition of a Bond villain.
Stories have emerged from the UK of people on disability pensions literally starving to death due to the government's harsh crackdown on social services. Starving people to death might seem harsh but it's also one of the most efficient and cost effective ways of of reducing the number of people on benefits. Morrison knows what it takes to implement these sorts of policies and unless those Senate cross-benchers want to be held responsible for a bunch of kids losing their wheelchairs next Christmas, he probably will.
This leaves a big pair of jackboots to fill at Immigration. That job goes to the Minister for shutting up and keeping out of the way while federal health funding gets plundered, Peter Dutton. Apart from doing nothing else in the 13 years he's been in parliament, Dutton was the only member of the front bench to abstain from the apology to the stolen generation. In doing so Dutton demonstrated he possesses the empathy, compassion and humanity expected from an Immigration minister these days.
Science is once again a ministry because, according to Tony Abbott, "it seems sometimes it a helps if you put these things in the title". After all, apart from all medical, technological and industrial progress what the Hell has science ever done for us? Anyway science will be put somewhere in the title of Industry minister Ian MacFarlane as he is the only member of cabinet to correctly answer a science and nature question in Trivial Pursuit. In other moves Sussan Ley comes into cabinet, doubling female representation to 10%, Kevin Andrews moves to Defence, fulfilling one of Abbott's drunken boasts, and Christopher Pyne will be an annoying dickhead no matter what you give him, so he keeps education.
David Johnston is the only person to be dumped from cabinet and is understandably shocked by the news. Being told that he was the minister in charge of Defence for the last 15 months has come as a complete surprise to David and his family say it could take another 15 months for the news to sink in.
Once again Joe Hockey was unsuccessful in finding anyone to swap portfolios with him and will be forced to soldier on as Treasurer for another budget, or until the economy is completely cactus, whichever comes first.
So strap yourselves in for a roller coaster ride 2015. Because if this mob are half as mean, incompetent and duplicitous as they were in 2014 some of us might not be getting off at the end. Merry Christmas Australia.

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