The position of Opposition leader was declared vacant by Bill Shorten earlier this week. As a self appointed spokesperson on immigration for the non-existent Opposition, I request, for the sake of departmental consistency, that Tony Abbott henceforth be referred to by his boat arrival number, 5265617. Further to this I propose that he be detained indefinitely until his status as a genuine refugee can be determined and processed with the due diligence we have come to expect from the Department of Immigration.
Since coming to this country by boat in 1961, 5265617 has shown scant regard for Australia's conventions and institutions and a clear inability to reconcile his religious fundamentalism with our nation's proud history of freedom and democracy. He has continued to pledge loyalty to the head of state of his country of birth and has been a chronic drain on the public purse. 5265617 now costs the Australian taxpayer over $2 million per annum in wages and expenses alone. Transferring 5265617 to Manus Island would nearly halve those costs.
I am not calling on the government to be humane, decent, compassionate, law-abiding, honest, transparent or reasonable in this matter, merely consistent.