Government Broadcasting Service Update.

The Government Broadcasting Service has undergone a restructure following last month’s hostile takeover of parent company LNP Enterprises by the Sydney based firm Big Mal’s Deckchair Relocation, Porcine Adornment and Excrement Polishing Service. New Managing Director Big Mal has conducted a full audit of the network’s programming schedule which, although it has resulted in virtually no changes to programming, has produced a big boost in viewing figures, with the network out-rating rival broadcaster, the ALPBC, for the first time in nearly two years. Here’s what you may have missed during the footy:

The biggest news is the cancellation of the network’s flagship comedy series, The Abbott and Costello Wannabe Show, staring former Managing Director Tony Abbott and veteran stand-up comedian Smokin’ Joe Hockey. While critics described the show as “farce in its purest form”, poor ratings ensured the show’s demise after just two seasons. Big Mal praised the efforts of the men he has just sacked saying viewers owed them a debt of gratitude. Whether that debt exceeds the $60 billion plus the show clocked up in production costs is debatable, nevertheless Big Mal believes they should be rewarded for their contributions to public broadcasting.

Australian (on shore) laws currently prevents that reward from being the public floggings many feel these two men deserve. Instead Smokin’ Joe will become the networks chief correspondent in Washington, while there is speculation that Abbott may be offered the same role in London, provided he agrees to end his series of interviews promoting the now cancelled series. A number of viewers who phoned the station to complain that these appointments were a waste of taxpayer’s money were told that it was still considerably cheaper than the space program necessary to send these two any further away from Australia.
The show will be replaced with a new comedy series, The Odd Couple, starring Big Mal and Scott “Mad Dog” Morrison. The new series promises an identical plot-line with slightly less slapstick.

The restructure has also resulted in a few changes to production management with head of Educational programming, Christopher ‘The Fixer’ Pyne, moving to Industry, Innovation and Science programming. This is seen as a move with both pros and cons. The pros being for education, the cons being for industry, innovation and science. It’s been a difficult two years for the IIS department following the decision to cease all locally produced motoring shows, mass redundancies in science programming and most of the departments funding being used by Environmental programming department head Greg Hunt for a series of coal industry sponsored infomercials.

Despite being the subject of numerous complaints to the ethical standards committee, Peter “The Spud” Dutton remains in charge of multicultural broadcasting. Dutton has promised a big shake-up of multicultural broadcasting, as well as pat-downs, strip-searches and visa checks. Dutton has also responded to allegations of sexual assaults by Multicultural broadcasting security staff, by pledging a full investigation to uncover the person who leaked that information.

Big Mal has also responded to criticism of the network’s former head of finance, who some described as a mild mannered, financially inept jerk by replacing him with a more assertive, financially inept jerk in the form of Mad Dog Morrison. Morrison does however come with past budget experience having sunk $180 million into the controversial “So where the Bloody Hell are you?” campaign for Tourism Australia in 2006.

In a move praised by the media Big Mal has increased the number of women on the Government Broadcasting Service board from two to five. This is seen as a huge step in advancing gender equality at the network with women now only three times less represented on the board than men.

Many at the network are now hoping for a return to the Halcion days experienced under former Managing Director John Howard, when the network maintained high ratings for over eleven years broadcasting little more than cricket telecasts and Gallipoli documentaries. Big Mal has promised more exciting changes to come, starting with “Gallipoli Week” which begins on Monday and finishes just in time for the cricket.

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