MT: Smashed that little oik Shorten in Parliament today.
Lucy: Did you darling?
MT: Oh yes. Pass the foie gras....do you know what he said to me?
Lucy: What did he say dear?
MT: The chap said I was the most out-of-touch PM ever. Bill Shorten! Fellow can barely tell the difference between a Château Lafite and a Château Mouton, and he calls me out of touch! Well I wasn't having any of that.
Lucy: No dear. There was that Prime Minister during Federation, what was his n....
MT: I'd had a terrible day....the oysters are a bit tasteless tonight.
Lucy: I'll have a word with the chef. What was bad about your day darling?
MT: Well it all started off with that nasty Cory Bernardi business...
Lucy: Oh so he resigned then?
MT: Yes. So anyway....how did you know he was resigning?
Lucy: Well it was obvious wasn't it?
MT: How so?
Lucy: I mean all that carry on about conservative Christian values, criticising your leadership and saying he was going to leave and form his own party. That was obvious wasn't....
MT: He criticised my leadership? A chap who can barely tell the difference between Beluga and...
Lucy: Oh no. I think I'm getting confused with someone else entirely. Nothing to do with your leadership...silly me. Anyway, you were saying?
MT: Mmmm, not a bad year that Grange...now where was I?
Lucy: You were saying Bill Shorten called you out of touch.
MT: Ah yes. Well, I was already in a bad mood after being blindsided by Cory, who could have seen that coming?
Lucy: (Sigh) No one dear.
MT: After all the effort I made. I sent him off to New York for three months, and not one photograph of him passed out in a strip club. What does Joe Hockey think we pay him for?
Lucy: I warned you about that...
MT: I know, I know. So as if that's not enough...Mmmm, truffles are good this time of year...as if that's not enough, it turns out Gina is financing him.
Lucy: Joe Hockey?
MT: Not Joe, well no more than usual, she's financing Cory.
MT: Yes. Well I wasn't standing for that. I was straight on the phone to Gina's office asking her PA to reconsider.
Lucy: How is Sophie?
MT: She was a little under the weather....shall we open another bottle?
Lucy: Better not, we don't want to be nodding off during the ballet.
MT: I suppose not. Anyway I didn't hold back. I begged, I pleaded, I cried my eyes out. I said: "Didn't Gina realise how much our association has mutually enhanced our reputations?"
Lucy: And what did she say?
MT: Look at that, tarnished!
Lucy: I'll have a word with the maid. What did Sophie say?
MT: Oh something about knowing my station and needing to go for a pedicure. I'm giving her secretary a call tomorrow, I won't be letting this go.
Lucy: That's what I love about you darling.
MT: Me too. So after all that, I walk into parliament and that upstart Shorten calls me out of touch.
Lucy: So you put him in his place?
MT: Oh yes. We had plenty of his sort at Sydney Grammar, scholarship boys. Soon whipped them into shape. I called him a 'parasite', a 'simpering sycophant' and a 'hypocrite'.
Lucy: And Barnaby was okay with that?
MT: Oh yes. He thought it was hilarious. Said I can call Shorten those things any time I like. I don't even need his permission.
Lucy: That's nice. So why did Bill Shorten say you were out of touch?
MT: Oh he was banging on about us passing a bill cutting $8 billion from welfare and government services while calling for tax cuts for corporations. You know the usual politics of envy stuff...that was a nice drop. Could have done with a bit more of a decanter.
Lucy: I'll have a word with the butler.
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