Christmas letters from Canberra

Dear Santa,

You may have misinterpreted some of the things I’ve said this year but that's not my fault. I have always told the truth. This year I have taken responsibility for fixing everything. Anything that isn’t working perfectly now is all Labor’s fault. This Christmas I would like the same as last year; a new bike and, when I come back from my skiing holiday, a bushfire with lots of photo opportunities.

Tony. Age: Mid-twenties

Dear Santa,

The economy you gave me for Christmas last year isn’t working. Can I have another one please?

Joe. Age: More than 11

Dear Santa,

I’ve been a much better behaved girl than Malcom this year. This Christmas I would like to be Prime Minister.

Julie. Age: 58

Dear Santa,

I have been a much better behaved girl than Julie this year. This Christmas I would like to be Prime Minister.

Malcolm. Age: 60

Dear Santa,

I have been a much better behaved girl than Julie and Malcolm this year. This Christmas I should be Prime Minister because I conduct myself with dignity, humility and a great deal of modesty. I am also very witty and clever. Everybody likes me because I’m so much more mature than everyone else.

Christopher. Age: Young and beautiful

Dear Santa,

Here is my completely impartial list of everyone who’s been naughty and nice in the House of Representatives this year. Naughty: Everyone in the ALP and Adam Bandt. Nice: Everyone in the Government. This Christmas I would like to be relevant to the political process again.

Bronwyn. Age: 72

Listen up Santa!

I have attached my list of demands for Christmas. Unless you want to be held responsible for me taking it out on all the kids I’ve got locked up this year I expect everything on the list (plus the new jackboots and whip I asked for last year) under my tree on Christmas morning.

Scott. Age: No comment

Dear Santa,

If there’s anything I haven’t already got I want it this Christmas, along with a bloody good excuse for why I haven’t been given it already. Make sure all these kids get what they’re asking for too or by next Christmas your reputation will be in tatters.

Rupert. Age: Undead

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