Fair Go Australia, the nation's largest manufacturer of compassion, will cease operations in Australia next month.
After years of poor domestic returns, competition from non-compasionate producers, and a general lack of political leadership on either side of parliament, the Australian compassion industry is winding down local production.
The industry suffered decades of neglect and funding cuts under successive Australian governments, resulting in production being decimated by pests. An infestation of Ruddock beetle in 2001 was immediately followed by similar infestations of the Amanda Vans toad and the Andrews Boring grub.
The industry experienced a brief reprieve after the 2007 election before being successively shat on by flocks of electorally spooked Gillard ducks and Rudd geese.
These circumstances created ideal conditions for an outbreak of the Morrison vampire bat in 2013, which stripped production of the last vestiges of decency and humanity. The outbreak was eventually contained to the social services sector before the creatures escaped and formed a colony in the Treasury building.
The industry now faces a new threat from a slow-moving but vicious rodent known as the Dutton, which feeds by gnawing away at the legal foundations of human rights laws in Australia. This, combined with the absence of any serious predators, has allowed the normally dim-witted and docile animal to thrive, becoming one of the nation's most virulent pests.
The Dutton relies on less subtle survival techniques than other, more cunning pests. While the Morrison bat avoided scrutiny by hiding its droppings and distracting potential preditors with loud shrieks of rhetoric, the Dutton often leaves it's mess out in the open. It is not know whether this is due to gross incompetence or its offensive demenor, both of which the Dutton possess in equal measure.
Being much slower than other pests, the Dutton is less successful at avoiding media packs. Instead it will often resort to staring vacantly into the distance while mumbling incoherently about it all being some staffer's fault until the pack realises they're dealing with a moron and move on to someone else.
The prime minister took time out from the party fundraising polo event he was attending to respond to the demise of Fair Go Australia.
"We cannot be misty-eyed about this," he said. "We have to be very clear and determined in our national purpose."
Mr Turnbull argued that compassion threatened a billion dollar a year industry that specialises in mentally, physically, sexually and psychologically abusing immigration detainees of all ages, to deter unscrupulous people smugglers from taking their money, instead of ours.
Mr Turnbull dismissed criticism of his government's lack of subsidies for the compassion industry arguing that he remained committed to supporting more sustainable Australian industries - such as mining, coal exports and tax evasion.